Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
