I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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