I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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