I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
