totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
She needs sedatives and a leash
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
