the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
