I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
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You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
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I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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