Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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