Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
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Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
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She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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