I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
