don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
