New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
