New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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