I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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