Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
