Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Let's get the cat blown out
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
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