i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
