Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
