I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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