Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
