Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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