Sacagawea was the original milf.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm sobbing to NWA
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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