I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
