Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
