Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
you had me at cake vodka
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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