i permit you to call me
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
