i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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