I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
