K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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