He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
