What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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