She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
