My first STD was from a foam party
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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