1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
