You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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