I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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