Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
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