this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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