Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
