its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
