Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
