Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

are you still at the devil's house?

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(703): View more from Virginia

Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar

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(512): View more from Texas

Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?

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(716): View more from New York

i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.

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(718): View more from New York

you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes

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(760): View more from California

explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.

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(541): View more from Oregon

Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."

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(734): View more from Michigan

He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.

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(541): View more from Oregon

I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head

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