Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
