so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
