i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
it was like eating out sand paper
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
