Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
