apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
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Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
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He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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