Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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