you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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