Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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