I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
