Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
