I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
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Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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