is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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