Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm getting married
To pizza
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
