now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
