I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
