why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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