im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
