And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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