I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
