respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
