Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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