I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
there is glitter all over my balls
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
