So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
