don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I am naked and annoyed.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
